Day Thirty Five.
Well, pretty much had a full on conversation with the mother of my kids tonight. It looks like we want different things which all good, but has some pretty big knock-on effects life wise. All of those shit questions like living arrangements, kids arrangements, travel & money arrangements - all of that shit.
Feels pretty weird, scary & confronting if I’m honest.
As, I love living with the kids and spending so much time with them (and I think they love it too), but it seems with the differences at hand that that is something that may unfortunately be on the cards. This makes me sad. It’s not something that I want.
Feels kinda weird writing about it all if I’m honest. Me and my kids mum have been together pretty much twenty years, that’s a long time. A lot of history right there. Not that it’s the end of the friendship or anything, we’re (and will still be very close friends), but it’s really not the way I wanted things to go with the kids etc.
Uncovered a few other things in our conversation too, things like a lack of self confidence on my part. I think this is true. I’m not sure where it comes from or why, but it’s something that I want to address and tackle head on. What a shit thing to think about yourself right? I mean if you can’t love yourself, then who will.
This is something I will be paying a lot of attention to over the coming days.
All in all pretty strange, and huge day in many respects. I’m still processing a lot of it right now, and likely will for some time to come.
As a side note, I wouldn’t have spoken my truth like I did tonight in the past (I would’ve held it in), so I guess that’s a good sign that I’m growing in alignment, and integrity.
Scary, but needed nonetheless.
What I did good
What I did bad
Tasks for tomorrow, to be better than I was today:
Be kind to myself, be open hearted, learn to love myself more.